If you know me, you know I love, love, LOVE social media. I tend to over use it almost as much as I over use emoji. WordPress for blogging and Facebook and Instagram for everything else. Social media has been so much fun for an extrovert like me. It has acted as lifeline to the outside adult world a few years ago, when I was doing home daycare and stuck in my home with growing depression. It has helped me get to know and keep in touch with many cousins, friends and acquaintances that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I love that! 
On Instagram and WordPress, I have even bonded with and established genuine friendships with strangers that are on the same journey as me! I have put my heart out here and told the truth and allowed it to be up for public viewing (and scrutiny if need be) and have received nothing but love and encouragement.  

Being a writer type, I found it especially therapeutic to document and work through all the ups and downs of this endeavor through writing. The physical, mental, and spiritual ebb and flow of my my life, available to anyone who cared. I am honored that anyone would want to continue to read it because really, everyone has a story and point of view and mine in not remarkably different than anyone else’s. So, thank you! 

I have been able to celebrate many successes on my weight loss journey here, but there have also been dark days. In the name of staying honest and transparent, today is one of those days that calls for confession. 
I totally lost my mind and had an ugly food binge day today.
I hardly slept. I woke up grumpy.  
The first thing I did when I came downstairs was grab a handful of Hershey chocolate chips out of my freezer and shovel them in my mouth…it was all downhill from there.  
The more I grazed and ate, the worse I felt. 
 Guilty. Lazy. Gross.  
About an hour ago I decided to stop the madness and “feel the feelings” I was trying to ignore with eating all day. I really wanted to get to the root of what triggered me today (besides waking up on the wrong side of the bed!) and share it here.  
THIS is real life. 
I am a real woman, changing my life.  
This isn’t some filtered and cropped social media thread.  
This is real.  
That is the ugly side of social media.  

I’ve learned the right angle to take a picture and like to highlight all the good food choices I make and hard workouts completed. It feels good! It’s cool when you get followers or people “like” your photos.  To be able to show how my life is changing is amazing and I’m proud of myself.  

But it’s too easy to let it go to your head sometimes and WAY TO EASY to leave out the shameful, shoveling my face with food that I don’t need or really want moments.  
To hide feeling bad about myself and letting that be an excuse to eat like a jerk for a few more hours. Then, the temptation to be crazy and come up with ways to “overcompensate” my “bad” behavior.  
That, my friends, is dis-ordered eating.  
I’m here this afternoon to call myself out.  
Just because I have been blessed to enjoy some success on this journey doesn’t mean I’m “in the clear”. I have been fortunate to be able to grab ahold of my life this past year and have some progress to show for it, but by no means am I an expert. I’m not “fixed”. I am just a real person, struggling to be free of food addiction and gain a fit and healthy life.   
I want to enjoy food and not be afraid of it controlling me. I want to workout because I love my body and love how strong I am getting, not because I feel need to punish myself. 
I guess the whole reason I wanted to write this is because, on social media people can really make it look so easy to make theses changes. We all all put our best foot forward and show our best selves and it could be really easy not to post the unflattering pics and unwise choices.  
This will be my struggle for the rest of my life, but everyday I feel stronger and stronger and more able to share the good, bad and ugly.  If you are struggling with these kinds of issues, please don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone you trust! You don’t have to hide or punish yourself!  We are strong and capable of so much more than we know! 

So, now I’m gonna have lots of water, something crisp and fresh for dinner that I can feel good about, and maybe go for a walk.  
But, most importantly I am moving on.



Peace out!


So I’ve decided to act on some come conviction I’ve been feeling lately revolving the amount of time I am spending online. It may be distracting me and keeping me from learning some deep lessons…or at least helps me avoid them REALLY well. I had been feeling like I needed to scale back on Facebook time but kept excusing my self because I just plain didn’t wanna. This remarkable video clip came to me and pressed in…

After that, it made me start to evaluate if I was “using” my online activity as an escape as much as I use food.

Yesterday, I could run no further from the truth after reading the BRILLIANT post by Glennon over at Momestary. Please please please read:


I made the decision last night that I am being called to lay down the “check-in” obsession and BE STILL.

I removed my Facebook app and Instagram apps from my phone but will still continue to blog and post my blog on the Realology page. Other than that, I’m on a freeze.

It’s hard to admit feeling out if control in this area! What about you? Is this something you struggle with?


The sisterhood of the ever-changing status update

“We’re connected as women. It’s like a spiderweb. If one part of that web vibrates, if there’s trouble, we all know it. But most of the time we’re all too scared, or selfish, or insecure to help. But if we don’t help each other, who will?” – Sarah Addison Ellen from “The Peach Keeper”

Gosh dang it, I’m surrounded by incredible women!

That seems so hokey seeing it typed out like that but that was exactly the cry of my heart this morning when receiving an awesome text of support from a dear friend. Tons of sister love and messages flowing this morning. Emails and tagging me with encouraging articles showing how invested they are in me and my success. Lots of you checking in with me over the past couple of weeks and making time to talk with me and share this burden with me.

So often I complain about the woes of social media upon my generation of women. The pressure of “presenting” a sparkling veneer, worthy of being “pinned” and feeling like always coming up short. It can feel like a real epidemic sometimes! But AWESOME things are happening too!

Women sharing hilarious hiccups from their crazy days of work and mothering and wifedom. Or navigating through days filled with exams, finals, work schedules, school schedules, homework and bill paying all while having to answer awkward questions of when they plan on getting married and having babies?!?!
Literally doing it ALL…while causing us to chuckle with each other and not take it all so seriously. That is one thing I love about social media. It knits us together daily in a way we wouldn’t be otherwise.
Scrolling through my fb newsfeed and seeing beautiful things that are being created, accomplished by my friends. Women conquering the beasts and dragons in their lives. Encouraging each other moment by moment on the virtual “web”. Sharing talents and triumphs abundantly. Poetry and photography and art. Goal setting and goal reaching. Inspiring.
I’m humbled.

I am hungry each day to find an update from a sister friend of mine who gave birth recently to a beautiful baby boy who has to remain in the NICU for a while. Her strength and faith is contagious. I’m sure she doesn’t feel this way, but the strength she’s had for her baby and her other babies waiting at home is nothing short of amazing. She has had to be courageous and charge through her entire pregnancy and delivery and remains faithful now that he’s here and enduring surgeries. I am humbled by her unbroken spirit, even though I’m sure she has felt broken, she has been an example of trusting in God who holds us together.

I have a dear friend who had to move far away. I know that being so far from home has left her feeling lonely. Sometimes depressed and unmotivated. But I also see all the ways that she is thriving! The ways she is rising above and tackling her obstacles. I’m very proud of her to be so brave even though she feels lost. She is not alone. We all get to check in constantly thanks to the marvels of modern communication.

All of my sisters are an example of badassery. My baby sister is graduating from high school (4.0 student!) in a couple weeks and has her whole life ahead of her, unblemished and wild with possibilities. My other sisters both work full time while in college full time. One of them, living in a big ol’ ugly, urban city by herself! Where she chooses to ride her bike everywhere and act like a pioneer of the Wild West. Traveling, playing music, making friends, living well.
I’m so proud of them!

Friends that are pregnant, growing life. Friends that are preparing to send their babies out into the real world after preparing them for 18 or so years. Real women, raising children, planning events and parties and gatherings. Planting gardens. Keeping houses. Creating meals. Supporting many. Loving those whom at times are difficult to love. Sharing our hearts and struggles and pains. All of us dreaming of what the future will unfold.

I’m so proud to call all,of you my friends.
My sisters.
Now lets go run the world.

The heart of life is good.

” Anger is a cover up for pain. Its how we act when we can’t or don’t want to show our hurt feelings.”

One of my favorite people in the world said this to me in a conversation this last weekend. The funny thing is, we were talking about someone else, but these words were for me.

Our lives are intertwined with long held friendships and newer ones. Family that you see regularly and family that you don’t. Acquaintances from old jobs or past seasons of your life. People who you went to high school with, which in my case is always a toss up because I was such a dork in high school I’m not quite sure how people remember me. However, there is a natural progression through everyday living that prohibits you from being able to manage all of these relationships at one time. Thank God!
Seasons change and so do people.

Except now there is Facebook and social media.

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Facebook, but sometimes if you let
yourself go down the rabbit hole it leaves you feeling…well…hurt.

I might just be a big wiener and no one out there can relate to any of this, but it sucks to see relationships with friends or family that have faded away. It really sucks when those relationships have died when you have tried everything to keep them afloat. It kinda hurts to see them carrying on without you. Sharp little stings of jealousy? Hurt?

Sometimes it may even be that YOU say something or post a picture of your surprise birthday party without thinking of the “fringe” relationships out there that may get hurt by having not been included or offended by you, or your clever post that you thought was so funny. People force feeding their opinions and judgements… It’s just too much sometimes. We are not meant to be accountable to this many people for what we say and do. If “comparison is the thief of joy” then we are in trouble.
It’s easier to feel pissed off than admit someone hurt your feelings.
If we hide our hurts with anger, that is the birthplace of bitterness and that is toxic to our whole life! Bitterness ruins the taste of everything in your life so that there is nothing left to enjoy.

Lately, I have been experiencing some freedom in this by learning how to care for myself and respect myself. I can’t stress this enough, you really can’t love anyone if you don’t love on yourself. When you are ok with who you are, it’s easier to feel okay with letting some relationships go. Sometimes that’s all that’s left, and that is ok.

At the end of the day I don’t think we are trying to hurt each other, well most of us anyway.

Day 20 of 35!!! πŸ˜Šβœ…βœ…βœ… Today was a CRAZY day, so I had to fit a quick 20 min SOMETHING in this morning! Hey...a workout is a workout! πŸ’ͺ🏽πŸ’₯πŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ”₯πŸ’œ #keepgoing #persist #35daysofgainz #notallworkoutareglorious

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