#bingealert 

If you know me, you know I love, love, LOVE social media. I tend to over use it almost as much as I over use emoji. WordPress for blogging and Facebook and Instagram for everything else. Social media has been so much fun for an extrovert like me. It has acted as lifeline to the outside adult world a few years ago, when I was doing home daycare and stuck in my home with growing depression. It has helped me get to know and keep in touch with many cousins, friends and acquaintances that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I love that! 
On Instagram and WordPress, I have even bonded with and established genuine friendships with strangers that are on the same journey as me! I have put my heart out here and told the truth and allowed it to be up for public viewing (and scrutiny if need be) and have received nothing but love and encouragement.  

Being a writer type, I found it especially therapeutic to document and work through all the ups and downs of this endeavor through writing. The physical, mental, and spiritual ebb and flow of my my life, available to anyone who cared. I am honored that anyone would want to continue to read it because really, everyone has a story and point of view and mine in not remarkably different than anyone else’s. So, thank you! 

I have been able to celebrate many successes on my weight loss journey here, but there have also been dark days. In the name of staying honest and transparent, today is one of those days that calls for confession. 
I totally lost my mind and had an ugly food binge day today.
I hardly slept. I woke up grumpy.  
The first thing I did when I came downstairs was grab a handful of Hershey chocolate chips out of my freezer and shovel them in my mouth…it was all downhill from there.  
The more I grazed and ate, the worse I felt. 
 Guilty. Lazy. Gross.  
About an hour ago I decided to stop the madness and “feel the feelings” I was trying to ignore with eating all day. I really wanted to get to the root of what triggered me today (besides waking up on the wrong side of the bed!) and share it here.  
THIS is real life. 
I am a real woman, changing my life.  
This isn’t some filtered and cropped social media thread.  
This is real.  
That is the ugly side of social media.  

I’ve learned the right angle to take a picture and like to highlight all the good food choices I make and hard workouts completed. It feels good! It’s cool when you get followers or people “like” your photos.  To be able to show how my life is changing is amazing and I’m proud of myself.  

But it’s too easy to let it go to your head sometimes and WAY TO EASY to leave out the shameful, shoveling my face with food that I don’t need or really want moments.  
To hide feeling bad about myself and letting that be an excuse to eat like a jerk for a few more hours. Then, the temptation to be crazy and come up with ways to “overcompensate” my “bad” behavior.  
That, my friends, is dis-ordered eating.  
I’m here this afternoon to call myself out.  
Just because I have been blessed to enjoy some success on this journey doesn’t mean I’m “in the clear”. I have been fortunate to be able to grab ahold of my life this past year and have some progress to show for it, but by no means am I an expert. I’m not “fixed”. I am just a real person, struggling to be free of food addiction and gain a fit and healthy life.   
I want to enjoy food and not be afraid of it controlling me. I want to workout because I love my body and love how strong I am getting, not because I feel need to punish myself. 
I guess the whole reason I wanted to write this is because, on social media people can really make it look so easy to make theses changes. We all all put our best foot forward and show our best selves and it could be really easy not to post the unflattering pics and unwise choices.  
This will be my struggle for the rest of my life, but everyday I feel stronger and stronger and more able to share the good, bad and ugly.  If you are struggling with these kinds of issues, please don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone you trust! You don’t have to hide or punish yourself!  We are strong and capable of so much more than we know! 

So, now I’m gonna have lots of water, something crisp and fresh for dinner that I can feel good about, and maybe go for a walk.  
But, most importantly I am moving on.
    

  

It’s gonna be a good year 

Last year around my birthday I wrote a poem called “Reining it in”.  
I remember exactly how I felt writing it. I had just returned from working at church camp and had gone from feeling pretty good about myself for getting through it, to spiraling into self loathing. My binge eating was out of control and my weight was the highest it had ever been in my life.  
My body was in pain, everything hurt and the only thing that was consistent was the urge to sleep.  

I could feel myself slipping back into a dark place of depression and I was trying really hard to be strong and pull back. I thought making myself sit down and be intentional about writing down how it felt would help me and be cathartic. This poem emerged and was an honest look at myself inside and out.  

 I didn’t know it then, but this was the beginning of “thinking about what I was thinking about” and changing the way I live my life.  
Here is an excerpt from that poem: 

“The hardest thing about being a realist is that you’re really only a pessimist in disguise.
To halt myself from traveling down the familiar gloomy tracks and force instead a stroll down a brighter path…
Well, I’m more comfortable sitting in the shade.
My disappointment hangs from my body,
heavy and always inconvenient.
Protecting me from pain but hard to
ignore…and if I’m being honest it only makes it worse.
But I am told to be in the light as He is in the light…
and I was.
Spent the fullness of time feeling welcomed and alive.
Now here we are again, and back to being the last resort.
Wasn’t quite ready to come home to the norm.
I have amends to make and bridges to burn, like calories…and we all know how good I am at that.
Frames and galleries of words that crowd my heart, and the space is getting limited in these chambers.
Bolted with hardware and welded to my arteries. 
This kind of blockage requires a skilled surgeon. 


Blood pumping through paths I’ve carved out to survive.
A masterpiece.

A bypass of emotion.
Today is a new day that has been made for my gain,
taking a new route and a fresh way.
I will choose gratitude.
What other choice do I have?” 

The heaviness and “congestion” I was suffering from was physical, mental and spiritual. I had spent a lifetime “eating” up my emotions and trying not to FEEL THE FEELINGS. I really had reached my bottom. I felt like I was either going to make a change or die this way. 

Since last summer my life has shifted dramatically, but it didn’t seem that way every day, until looking back on it now.  
Every day I was (and am still!) presented with a choice: believe in the commitment I made to myself and my family? 
Believe I could change and WAS changing?  
Believe that where I had no strength to continue, God would give it to me? 
Believe that when I fell off the wagon, He would set me back on? 
Believe that my body was strong and getting stronger, even when it felt like I could NOT do more? 

Or…

Believe it was impossible and slip back into what I’d always done? Numbing myself with food and trying desperately to not feel all the pain I was causing myself? 
  

Today is my birthday and I have had the rare privilege of being able to say that I have been given a second chance at living life. The life I was meant to live. I’m officially down 60 pounds. I work out 6 days a week and I actually enjoy being there and seeing my hard work pay off and my body gain strength and endurance. I’ve been allowed to start and lead a support group at my amazing gym, to build community with people who are starting their own health journey.  
I’ve been back to camp and was amazed by how much more I could do and how much more like myself I felt, not being at war against my body anymore. I’ve had the honor of being an example to not only my own children but also to youth kids who’ve seen me make a change over this past year. It feels amazing to be able to show them that this kind of freedom is possible.  
Freedom from self abuse and self hate. Freedom to FEEL THE FEELINGS! I’ve learned that being sad, or disappointed or stressed won’t kill me. It’s how we manage and deal with the feelings that makes us or breaks us.
Looking forward to what this next year has for me! From where I’m sitting, it can only get better and better! 

Island living

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I’ve been out bobbing on the water again.
I know I’m not alone.
We are no strangers to island living.

Bad news begs to shift the shape I’m in…
but I’ve discovered my resilience doesn’t fail me.
I fail to keep it.
Failed to keep the faith given to me so abundantly.
Remarkable recovery.
Rescuing me again and again.

Surrender.

Waters rage and calm…
day by day.
The shores of my heart weathered but,
I’ve found I’m anchored deeply after all.

Kept quiet for a respite to catch my breath.
Silence repairing damage done.
Pulling in deep,
lungs expanding.
Burning with a stretch that reaches far past what I’ve known.
Pain begins to sweeten and dull with gained strength,
reassured that healing is happening.
Breathing easier now.
Health is a steady diet of truth and rest.
Heavy heart on the mend.

“The life that I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place and time my touch will be felt. Our lives are linked together. No man is an island.

But there is another truth, the sister of this one, and it is that every man is an island. It is a truth that often the tolling of a silence reveals even more vividly than the tolling of a bell. We sit in silence with one another, each of us more or less reluctant to speak, for fear that if he does, he may sound life a fool. And beneath that there is of course the deeper fear, which is really a fear of the self rather than of the other, that maybe truth of it is that indeed he is a fool. The fear that the self that he reveals by speaking may be a self that the others will reject just as in a way he has himself rejected it. So either we do not speak, or we speak not to reveal who we are but to conceal who we are, because words can be used either way of course. Instead of showing ourselves as we truly are, we show ourselves as we believe others want us to be. We wear masks, and with practice we do it better and better, and they serve us well –except that it gets very lonely inside the mask, because inside the mask that each of us wears there is a person who both longs to be known and fears to be known. In this sense every man is an island separated from every other man by fathoms of distrust and duplicity. Part of what it means to be is to be you and not me, between us the sea that we can never entirely cross even when we would. “My brethren are wholly estranged from me,” Job cries out. “I have become an alien in their eyes.”

The paradox is that part of what binds us closest together as human beings and makes it true that no man is an island is the knowledge that in another way every man is an island. Because to know this is to know that not only deep in you is there a self that longs about all to be known and accepted, but that there is also such a self in me, in everyone else the world over. So when we meet as strangers, when even friends look like strangers, it is good to remember that we need each other greatly you and I, more than much of the time we dare to imagine, more than more of the time we dare to admit.

Island calls to island across the silence, and once, in trust, the real words come, a bridge is built and love is done –not sentimental, emotional love, but love that is pontifex, bridge-builder. Love that speak the holy and healing word which is: God be with you, stranger who are no stranger. I wish you well. The islands become an archipelago, a continent, become a kingdom whose name is the Kingdom of God.”

― Frederick Buechner, The Hungering Dark

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Peace out!

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So I’ve decided to act on some come conviction I’ve been feeling lately revolving the amount of time I am spending online. It may be distracting me and keeping me from learning some deep lessons…or at least helps me avoid them REALLY well. I had been feeling like I needed to scale back on Facebook time but kept excusing my self because I just plain didn’t wanna. This remarkable video clip came to me and pressed in…

After that, it made me start to evaluate if I was “using” my online activity as an escape as much as I use food.

Yesterday, I could run no further from the truth after reading the BRILLIANT post by Glennon over at Momestary. Please please please read:

http://momastery.com/blog/2013/09/26/6-reasons-social-media-dangerous/

I made the decision last night that I am being called to lay down the “check-in” obsession and BE STILL.

I removed my Facebook app and Instagram apps from my phone but will still continue to blog and post my blog on the Realology page. Other than that, I’m on a freeze.

It’s hard to admit feeling out if control in this area! What about you? Is this something you struggle with?

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Revisiting my steps

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“You’re blessed when you’re content with who you are – no more no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
– Matt. 5:5 (MSG)

I keep reading this over and over.

I feel like I want to brand it into my forehead where I can see it everyday.

These are living words.

This is the “message” translation of Matthew 5:5 which is part of the beatitudes that says,”blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.”
I love “The Message” bible because I feel like its written in the everyday language that I use. It helps me understand what the heck the bible is talking about sometimes. I’m not a scholar, I just want to understand in lay men’s terms what is going on.

I think this scripture resonates so deeply with me because I feel like I am my own worst enemy. The war that I wage is against myself. I feel like a lunatic at times if I’m being honest. You probably wouldn’t trust me with your dog, let alone your children if you knew the levels of crazy I had going on in here. I get so sick of myself.
I’m ready to be free of the ways I hold myself back! I realize this isn’t a one time decision, but a DAILY one.

“As water reflects the face, someone’s life reflects the heart.”
-Proverbs 26:19 (NIV)

When I look around and see that my life reflects what’s in my heart, I am sobered by the truth of it.

Once again, I will make the choice to LET GO.
To unclutter my life, my home and my time to declutter the mess that lies waiting to grow in my heart and mind.

One day at a time, making the right choices even if I don’t feel like it. Managing what I already have and being thankful for it will bring contentment and hopefully peace. Surrendering it all to God who is big enough to handle it.

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Keep me where the light is

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“Until we have seen someone’s darkness we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness we don’t really know what love is…[until you confront and acknowledge your own darkness, you will never forgive].”

– Marianne Williamson

I hate having to face myself after a binge.

After making the choice to go out of bounds and indulge myself, I always have to look myself in the mirror afterward. It doesn’t feel good or rewarding in any way. Giving into the temptation always seems like it will bring relief but temptation is a liar!
It sucks.
The only thing yielding to it brings is shame.

Truthfully, I hate having to face a lot of things about myself…but the whole point of Realology is gaining the faith and courage to face the truth and tell it.

But, sometimes it just seems easier to keep things hidden in the darkness, even though the only things that grow and thrive in the dark are toxic.

Like black mold. Infiltrating the overlooked nooks and crannies of your house before finally showing itself. Revealing its destruction and rot. The only way to get rid of it is to gut it out.

Can’t paint over it. Can’t build walls around it…it would only spread through eventually.
Self deception is like that. Sharp and clever and we are skilled experts at it. But eventually…you can’t avoid the stink, and the walls have gotta come down.

The hardest part about trying to live in freedom, without relying on food (my drug) for comfort, is that I have to be constantly faced with my own ugliness, and choose to have a willingness to be honest about it. Choose to turn myself and my affairs over to a trustworthy God. It’s not like ill have it all figured out and “cured” one day. It’s a daily struggle…I will probably grapple with my entire life.

The beauty that emerges from this ugliness is that facing my own darkness gives me the ability to have empathy for others…which helps me to KNOW and FORGIVE as I learn to KNOW and FORGIVE myself. We are all dealing with the same issue…it just looks different for each of us on the outside. Understanding and love can grow out of this…that is a miracle.

What I’m learning is that it’s easier to look myself in the eye when I’m in the light.
Basking in it.
Soaking it all in and letting it reach every corner and crevice. Instead of fighting it and running from it, but instead, letting it dry up all those dark, soggy parts that beg to stay hidden.

One day at a time, praying, “just keep me where the light is…”


“For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone. You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.”
(Psalms 91:3-6, 9-16 NLT)

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Practicing the art of living in the moment

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This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.”
-Psalm 118:24 (NLT)

Be alive this first and holy day! Because order has been created out of the chaos, light out of the dark so that you can see, touch, taste, and smell and tell this day that you have never seen before, because it has never been before…that this is the day you will never see again.”

-Fredrick Buechner, The Alphabet of Grace

What is is about music that captures something in sound waves that sometimes you just can’t express in words? I read recently in Anne Lammots book, Traveling Mercies, that, “Maybe it’s because music is about as physical as it gets: your essential rhythm is your heartbeat: your essential sound, the breath. We’re talking temples of noise, and when you add tender hearts to this mix, it somehow lets us meet in places we couldn’t get to any other way.”

Last night I got see the Dave Matthews Band in concert with a friend of mine. Her and I have wanted to go to a live DMB concert for close to 10 years. What’s funny is that I was hardly looking forward to it.

My mind and heart have been full and rapidly filling with worry. Things in my control and things clearly out of my control. Nonetheless, when you’re in active recovery,( or more like, just an active human) you have to guard your heart against whatever may rob you of your serenity so that you don’t give yourself an excuse to engage in your negative behaviors. I am called to be endlessly self-aware. Sometimes that just sucks. Ignorance seems like such bliss sometimes.

As easy as it is to go to God, my creator, with whom I can share my struggles and anxieties with, it seems just as easy to go ahead and pick them all off the floor on my way out the door.
I will feel peace and rest because I can trust God with the outcomes of all things, but like a slow leak in a tire…I always seem to allow my trust and faith to deflate. I scurry to grab all of my concerns and stuff them back into my hands and pockets. Squashing my peace and taking steps backwards. The great news is, God doesn’t let us stay there for very long if we are committed to following his lead out of the mazes and traps.

I headed into the concert with a heavy heart I was trying to conceal and ignore, but I left feeling revived.

Being removed from all of your “stuff”, if only for a few hours is good for the soul.
Necessary.

Being reminded of the beauty of it ALL.

The beauty of music played with heart and passion. The beauty of people, strangers, being nice and kind to each other. The beauty of long lasting friendships. The beauty of certain music being in the background soundtrack of my life. The beauty of God orchestrating all that I see and experience just for me. Specifically for me, that I might see His goodness in ALL things.

I pray that I wouldn’t squander a thing.

Not. One. Thing.


“Oh well, celebrate we will
Ooh cause life is short but sweet for certain
Hey, we’re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change

Change, why would I want to change it?”

Dave Matthews Band, “Two Step”

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Hear ye!

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What to do on a day when everything seems to be going wrong?

Sick children, sleepless night, passive aggressive dog trying to lure me into battle, clutter and messes, irritable husband on his way out of town for work…anxiety rising.

Left to my own devices, I would like to find something in the fridge or pantry to construct and consume that would turn the volume all the way down on this mess. A generic attempt at holding myself together is all it would be…like trying to fix a broken vase using cupcake frosting instead of super glue.

Manufacturing a sense of control over my problems, because if I’m full…I just don’t have to think of anything.

Boo.

Eating has been the go-to distraction from stress, pain and worry. Quantity always trumping quality in my ravenous ritual. All the while lying to myself about the calories consumed and the reality of being imprisoned in an unending cycle.

Madness.

Luckily for me, I am learning (slowly) to be still and LISTEN instead of relying on my old foolish ways…

* I AM ON MY WAY OUT OF THIS PRISON CELL. MY SENTENCE HAS BEEN SERVED. I AM FREE TO MOVE FORWARD AND THE LORD HAS MY BACK.


“God is leading you out of here, and the God of Israel is also your rear guard.”
– Isaiah 52:7b (MSG)


* HE HAS PROMISED TO RESTORE MY HEALTH AND HEAL MY WOUNDS! I WILL BE STRONG AND FULL OF PEACE.

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord…” – Jer. 30:17a (NIV)

“God makes his people strong. God gives his people peace.”
– Psalm 29:11 (MSG)


* MY FOCUS IS NOT TO BE ON WHAT I LOOK LIKE OR WHAT I WEIGH, RATHER IT SHOULD BE ON SERVING AND MEETING THE NEEDS OF OTHERS AND BEING AVAILABLE TO MY FAMILY INSTEAD OF OBSESSED WITH MY OWN TROUBLES AND FOCUSED ON MYSELF.


“What I’m interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless and poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families.”
– Isaiah 58:7(MSG)


* I KNOW HE WILL FINISH WHAT HE HAS STARTED IN ME!


“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
-(Philippians 1:6 NLT)

I am fed, dry and safe!! 🙂

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Step by step

“What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.”
-C. S. Lewis

Sorry if I’ve been a little bit of a bummer lately!

I don’t want my blog post to become a melancholy diary…but the truth is that this fight is real. The pain and frustrations are real! Recovery is no joke. Some days it’s hard to muster a positive and thrilling grasp on it all. The thing that makes this fight different from all times I’ve tried fighting before is that this one seems to have no end. I have surrendered to that fact.

I have to remind myself of why I started all of this. I have to constantly check in with myself to make sure I’m not getting so carried away and obsessed with losing weight that I forget that losing weight alone is not the ultimate goal…

The goal is freedom.

The goal is to TRULY embrace God’s mercy and stop punishing myself.

The goal is becoming more and more who I’m meant to be.

The goal is to be real, honest and not living in self-deception.

The goal is to take what I’m learning and allow it to saturate my life…making me a better wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter and human being.

The goal is to somehow see beauty in and learn to care for my own body so that it would help me to better care for and see beauty in the church body.

The goal is to stop burying my gifts and talents beneath the fear.

Praise God, because I know I’ll get to wherever I’m headed.
However many steps it takes.

THE PRAYER OF MY HEART

I have been foolish in my sinful ways.
Because of these crimes…my body suffers these afflictions.
I have loathed any self-control with food;
It has brought me to the gates of death.
But when I cried out to The Lord…
He freed me from my distress;
He sent out his word and healed me.
Delivering me from my destruction!
I will thank The Lord for his immoveable love,
for his wonderful works to this child.
He calms this storm to a whisper,
and stills the waves.
What a blessing is that stillness,
as he brings me safely into harbor.

Inspired by: Psalm 107:17-30

The Lords supper

I think sometimes we just need to have a good cry. I have no idea why, but it makes you feel so much better. It sounds trite, but it’s very cleansing.

Yesterday I had an “ugly cry” episode during church service. The first weekend of the month is when my church family observes communion. For those who maybe aren’t sure what that is, its a ceremony that’s done in church to remember what Jesus did on the cross. The bread element representing His body that was broken for us and the wine/juice element representing the shed blood as a exemption from our sin. It prompts us to search our hearts in prayer and eat the things together as a reminder of what this life of faith is all about and the mercy that we have been shown. The catholic church does this daily, some churches do it every week, some every other…it varies from church to church. My pastor began the service talking about what it means in our life to gather at the table. To come together and relax and replenish. To share with loved ones over a meal, making memories. Often in times of celebration. Or bringing comfort in times of grief. Moments that we all share no matter our culture. We like to take our place and enjoy.

The thing that struck me is that bellying up to the table is NOT a celebration for me. It’s the scene of the crime. For the person with disordered eating, food is public enemy number one. The act of eating somehow becoming a vile, dirty act. Food presenting itself as menacing and sinister as a dirrrrty, dirrrrty magazine filled with the raunchiest of temptations. Even when I’m eating “in bounds” and doing well and losing weight, the pull is magnetic.

I can relate to the alcoholic that has to dodge the offers of chilled beers and frothy margaritas at bbq’s or the casual glass of wine with dinner. I can also imagine the constant temptation there is to unwind at a bar, let go and have fun with friends. I’m not an alcoholic, but I know first hand how it feels to have an addiction beckoning me constantly. Offering artificial but instant promises of relief. And in some ways I envy them slightly. Crazy right?! Except for the alcoholic there is abstinence. There are black and white lines drawn. Clear boundaries. You wouldn’t expect an alcoholic to drink one beer three times a day and call it sobriety?

No. I can’t abstain from eating.

I must face my ugly beast in the eyes at least three or so times a day for the rest of my life. My bars, pubs and neon lights boast not of beer and liquor but of Golden Arches, Taco Bells..and value menus. Drive thru windows where I don’t even have to get out of my car and can easily hide any or all evidence of the dirty deed done. With one swipe of my card, I’m spiraling downward…physically, spiritually, mentally, even financially. And just like an addict, it seems with little regard in the moment for those who are stuck in my spiral unwillingly. The remorse and guilt only causing more eating…

Food has been the shot in my arm sought to numb and soothe anxiety. A means of avoiding and dimming my feelings to retain some false sense of control. Eating has been a vehicle of self abuse instead of what it was intended to be…a means of fueling my body with energy, nurturing and caring for it.

I’m crying in church, wondering how audacious it seems for me to eat of this “meal” being offered. Me, the abuser of food. My big body is evidence…I can’t deny it.

Gluttonous.
Shameful.
Just give it up.
Surrender to the facts.
You’ve failed before, you’ll fail again.
You’ll never beat this.
It’s too much.
Just don’t care anymore.
Pointless.

But then …Jesus saying,

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” (Revelation 3:10 NLT)

“I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. ” (John 6:35 NLT)

“Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” (Isaiah 55:2 NLT)

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on.” (Luke 12:22 ESV)

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17 ESV)

“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” (Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV)

A poem of love.
For me…from the creator of this body I’ve hated so much. This body that has allowed me to walk and move and live life despite how my mind has destroyed it. This body that has birthed two beautiful and healthy children. This body that has been allowed to wake again this morning to a new day…despite the pain…to try again.

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Laura's 180

Turning my life around, one day at a time.

Lifting My Spirits

A lifelong dream deferred no longer- transformation from fat chick to bodybuilder after age 50.

Elan Mudrow

The Ridges of Intertextuallity