Attitude is Everything: Fat chick at a Fitness Conference 2.0

I just just stuffed my backpack above me, and sank into my plane seat. I take a deep breath and close my eyes with relief. Im ready to head home and see my family.

I’m exhausted.

Sunburned.

Dehydrated.

And definitely, hungover.

But I feel like I just won the lottery.

My heart is full.

My LIFE is full.

I look down at myself and and survey the scene:

Even though I’m still squeezed in close to my favorite travel teammate, I’m buckled into my chair with ease. It just keeps getting easier and easier for me to travel! I say a silent prayer of thanks, knowing how HARD this has all been for me before.

Walking down the isle of the plane, my sides no longer brush and bump the peoples arms, and it feels amazing to not have to apologize for my existence…walking that gauntlet of shame.

I’m wearing pajama pants, a Palm Springs conference tee, purple shoes, and my purple running man, manicured nails are clutching my purple water bottle and brand new copy of “Love Work” by Chuck Runyon. I notice my “persist” running man, flame tattoo on my wrist and wonder if I’ve not just stepped into overkill territory?

I’m a hot-AF-post-conference MESS!!!!! But, I LOVE IT.

You see, last year I struggled.

( You can read all about that here: https://mandimonblog.wordpress.com/2016/09/14/fat-chick-at-a-fitness-conference/ )

Last year, I was still trying to be invisible. Despite my efforts, I was still battling with shame, discomfort and embarrassment with my body. And, If I’m being completely honest, not much has changed for me physically in a year. I’m down about 30 more pounds from the Lake Placid Conference. I’ve gained muscle and more endurance, but this time the weight I’m most proud of losing, was in my heart and mind.

This year I was was promoted to manager of my Anytime Fitness club, and I took that position of leadership VERY seriously. I have battled with that dark part of myself that felt fearful and unworthy. I finally surrendered to the fact that my value as a leader was NOT based on a certain number on the scale. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have been offered the position, right?

Being FAT is NOT the worst thing a person can be.

Your value and worth as a human is not worth less if you are fat. But being miserable, ashamed, depressed, suffering with pain and barely alive IS the WORST thing a person can be. And THAT is what has changed for me with the magic of fitness. THAT is what I LIVE to show the people who come into my gym everyday. The scale will move…but I must PERSIST.

My value is here NOW. It always HAS BEEN. I decided to OWN the fact that I am “representing a possibility”.

Ive decided to OWN the fact that I actually have an advantage with my size, and that WONT last forever.

I have the ability to say,” Look at me…I work HERE. I workout HERE. I was changed HERE. I found out who I truly am in HERE. I was welcomed and loved HERE…and so are YOU.”

It has been the most powerful year of my life. Realizing that all of the members in my gym, that I have the honor of representing, are looking to me as an example of persistence, and they are proud of me…that is enough to snap me out of any self doubt or sabotage.

There have been MANY struggles and setbacks…and times where my confidence and resolve was shaken, but there has been a permanent shift in me, and it SHOWED itself this week in Palm Springs.

No longer was I desperately trying to blend in and disappear. I just literally, let it all hang out, and allowed myself to just be MYSELF.

Proudly, alongside my team…my family… just like I am everyday in our clubs. Why would I want to come to conference and be anyone other that who I am everyday with my people?? If I’m constantly urging them to step outside of their comfort zone and believe in themselves…shouldn’t I be??!

Last year I was afraid to workout alongside 2,000 people for a world record breaking 3 minute workout. This year, I jumped into a live, 45 minute group session on the purple turf, in the middle of the trade show, with tons of people watching (and the AF corporate head trainer/she-hero herself, Rachel Prairie!) and did NOT CARE. I know what I am capable of.

This is it. This is who I am, and this is who has been given this amazing opportunity to live in the crazy fitness world and grind.

I TRULY was “hired to inspire” and I am so unbelievably grateful.

To my team, each and every one of you has made more of an impact on my life than you will ever know. You have made me one of you since DAY ONE and I am forever thankful for how you have changed my life and never let me give up. I’m so honored to live this life with you guys.

And, to Brandon and Amber Borden, my club owners, who just won the 2017 O2i of the Year Runningman Award…thank you.

Thank you for changing my life, and then taking a crazy risk in hiring me, believing in me and pushing me to be better and better and BETTER. I am so proud and honored to be on #teamborden and am SO EXCITED the whole AF world got to see/hear how amazing and special you two are. Also, I’m sorry I “Kanye-ed” you on stage. With all this new confidence…I do declare, I literally could not help myself. 😜

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It’s gonna be a good year 

Last year around my birthday I wrote a poem called “Reining it in”.  
I remember exactly how I felt writing it. I had just returned from working at church camp and had gone from feeling pretty good about myself for getting through it, to spiraling into self loathing. My binge eating was out of control and my weight was the highest it had ever been in my life.  
My body was in pain, everything hurt and the only thing that was consistent was the urge to sleep.  

I could feel myself slipping back into a dark place of depression and I was trying really hard to be strong and pull back. I thought making myself sit down and be intentional about writing down how it felt would help me and be cathartic. This poem emerged and was an honest look at myself inside and out.  

 I didn’t know it then, but this was the beginning of “thinking about what I was thinking about” and changing the way I live my life.  
Here is an excerpt from that poem: 

“The hardest thing about being a realist is that you’re really only a pessimist in disguise.
To halt myself from traveling down the familiar gloomy tracks and force instead a stroll down a brighter path…
Well, I’m more comfortable sitting in the shade.
My disappointment hangs from my body,
heavy and always inconvenient.
Protecting me from pain but hard to
ignore…and if I’m being honest it only makes it worse.
But I am told to be in the light as He is in the light…
and I was.
Spent the fullness of time feeling welcomed and alive.
Now here we are again, and back to being the last resort.
Wasn’t quite ready to come home to the norm.
I have amends to make and bridges to burn, like calories…and we all know how good I am at that.
Frames and galleries of words that crowd my heart, and the space is getting limited in these chambers.
Bolted with hardware and welded to my arteries. 
This kind of blockage requires a skilled surgeon. 


Blood pumping through paths I’ve carved out to survive.
A masterpiece.

A bypass of emotion.
Today is a new day that has been made for my gain,
taking a new route and a fresh way.
I will choose gratitude.
What other choice do I have?” 

The heaviness and “congestion” I was suffering from was physical, mental and spiritual. I had spent a lifetime “eating” up my emotions and trying not to FEEL THE FEELINGS. I really had reached my bottom. I felt like I was either going to make a change or die this way. 

Since last summer my life has shifted dramatically, but it didn’t seem that way every day, until looking back on it now.  
Every day I was (and am still!) presented with a choice: believe in the commitment I made to myself and my family? 
Believe I could change and WAS changing?  
Believe that where I had no strength to continue, God would give it to me? 
Believe that when I fell off the wagon, He would set me back on? 
Believe that my body was strong and getting stronger, even when it felt like I could NOT do more? 

Or…

Believe it was impossible and slip back into what I’d always done? Numbing myself with food and trying desperately to not feel all the pain I was causing myself? 
  

Today is my birthday and I have had the rare privilege of being able to say that I have been given a second chance at living life. The life I was meant to live. I’m officially down 60 pounds. I work out 6 days a week and I actually enjoy being there and seeing my hard work pay off and my body gain strength and endurance. I’ve been allowed to start and lead a support group at my amazing gym, to build community with people who are starting their own health journey.  
I’ve been back to camp and was amazed by how much more I could do and how much more like myself I felt, not being at war against my body anymore. I’ve had the honor of being an example to not only my own children but also to youth kids who’ve seen me make a change over this past year. It feels amazing to be able to show them that this kind of freedom is possible.  
Freedom from self abuse and self hate. Freedom to FEEL THE FEELINGS! I’ve learned that being sad, or disappointed or stressed won’t kill me. It’s how we manage and deal with the feelings that makes us or breaks us.
Looking forward to what this next year has for me! From where I’m sitting, it can only get better and better! 

Reining it in

I love that my hair is long enough to pull up into the perfect messy bun.  No strays or stragglers.

I love that I opened this window on my left side and a burst of warm summer wind hit me in the face like a pleasant surprise.

I love that my Pandora is playing all the songs I like so I don’t have to waste any skips.

I love that my dog always knows just when I need her to snuggle up against me and be my friend.

I love that my babies are running through my house having fun despite me yelling at them to knock it off.

I know I will miss their mess and noise someday and I only need a moment of intentional gratitude to sober me.

I love that when I stop and take notice, I am overwhelmed with things to say thank you for.

The hardest thing about being a realist is that you’re really only a pessimist in disguise.

To halt myself from traveling down the familiar gloomy tracks and force instead a stroll down a brighter path…

Well, I’m more comfortable sitting in the shade.

My disappointment hangs from my body,

heavy and always inconvenient.

Protecting me from pain but hard to ignore…and if I’m being honest it only makes it worse.

But I am told to be in the light as He is in the light…

and I was.

Spent the fullness of time feeling welcomed and alive.

Now here we are again, and back to being the last resort.

Wasn’t quite ready to come home to the norm.

I have amends to make and bridges to burn, like calories…and we all know how good I am at that.

Frames and galleries of words that crowd my heart, and the space is getting limited in these chambers.

Bolted with hardware and welded to my arteries.

This kind of blockage requires a skilled surgeon.

Blood pumping through paths I’ve carved out to survive.

A masterpiece.
A bypass of emotion.

Today is a new day that has been made for my gain,

taking a new route and a fresh way.

I will choose gratitude.

What other choice do I have?!

I love that I have mastered the art of coming full circle, even when it seems pointless.

I love that a deep breath and honest words can set my focus strait.

I love that I will turn off this computer and leave the tears behind and get back to living.

Excuse my ramblings today. I just needed to rein it in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New landscapes

There is much to be said about clutter and disorganization in your home having a direct correlation to your physical and mental health.  The internet is ripe with articles and testimonials about this phenomenon. Today, I was sitting in my backyard trying to have a clear and meditative moment when I decided that this was true.

My back yard looks like a desert wasteland.  You almost expect to see Mel Gibson dressed as Mad Max come walking around the corner of the house, covered with dust and scouring the land for supplies.  It’s embarrassing.   My husband and I joke about this to our friends but it is mostly to cover up the shame we both feel about having let it all go back there.  We have kids and a dog and Game of Thrones, obviously making yard work low on our priority list.  Its more like we warn people before they peek out the window.  We care about what our space and habitat looks like because it says a lot about who we are.  We are FAR from fancy but we try to make a good impression by sprucing and cleaning.  We want anyone who comes into our home to feel comfortable and welcome.  The success of Pinterest proves that we are a generation obsessed with cheap and easy DIY fixes for the home. We want to paint and spruce and decorate so that we feel “acceptable”.

It’s not that different from how we dress ourselves.   We primp and fuss with our hair and makeup, especially if we have somewhere special to be.  Clothes, shoes, bags and other accessories.  Women are known for paying attention to detail.  Lots of men are just as fussy about the way they look as us ladies are.  It’s just a necessary evil right?  We spend so much time showering, sugar scrubbing, shaving, lotioning and dressing.  Brushing, curling, straightening and spraying.  Blending, concealing, highlighting, and glossing.  Finally, we look in the mirror and survey if we are ready to leave the house.  Are we acceptable to be seen?  To step out in the marketplace and participate in life?   Even though these painted versions of ourselves aren’t truly who we are, they make us feel good enough about ourselves to go ahead and try.  We head out the door to conquer our day and the first time someone tells us we look nice we immediately say,”NOOOOOOOOOOOO.  No I don’t, I’m gross. But thank you.”  We mustn’t believe anyone when they actually compliment us, right?

If you busted your ass gutting out your back yard and pulling weeds and planting new sod you wouldn’t dismiss someone telling you how great it looked!  Why?!  Because you KNOW IT LOOKS GOOD GURRRL.  YOU WORKED HARD! It paid of and now you can take a deep breath, open a cold bottle of beer and enjoy.  Doesn’t that feel good?  To have gratitude for a nice space to sit and make memories in?  What in THE WORLD would happen if we treated our bodies the same way?  Like a sacred space, to enjoy sitting in and making memories with?

Looking around my yard and then my home I realized that in the same way I had kind of given up on my appearance because of not feeling good about myself…I had kind of done the same to my space.   Why has this evaded me?  Has there just been a massive point of no return?  Where I have given up caring about not only my body and how I can dress it…but it seems also my home and yard with it?

What would happen if I gave up fighting with myself this summer about how much I weigh, how I look or what im gonna wear and devoted all of that energy instead to rolling up my sleeves and cleaning up and fussing on this home that I have been graciously given?  What if my physical, emotional and spiritual self transformed in direct correlation to my feeling good about my living space as it had the other way around?

Am I crazy?

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Get a move on!

I just sat down at my computer and cranked up the music.

Subwoofer and all.

It feels so  good.  First song to pop up on my Pandora (Love’s Holiday/Earth, Wind & Fire Radio, if you’re feeling funky) is  Michael Jackson’s “P.Y.T”.  Just what I need to light a fire under my ass this morning to literally dust this thing off and get down to business.  He  sings,” don’t you know now is the perfect time…” and he’s right, it is.

It has been way to long.

I have been avoiding my blog, my writing and generally all things I enjoy for sometime now.  I don’t know why I do that?   Must be a part of the weird and continual self-abuse that is my default when times get stressful.   I tend to fold up shop on all things productive and go back to the old way of thinking and managing my emotions when something sucky happens. And yes, sucky stuff has happened.  But I am still here.  My family is doing well.  I have a roof over my head.  All is well. Gratitude washes away all the weariness that has threatened to take over.

The good news is, the time between my old default setting and the fresh and ambitious setting that I prefer is getting shorter and shorter.  Thanks be to God!  My desire to THRIVE is greater than the desire to be feel sorry for myself.

One of my best friends reminded me of a great quote yesterday by the legendary Tony Robbins, “motion is emotion.”

Motion is emotion. 

Our body language and energy level is connected to what we think and feel about ourselves.  How we feel about ourselves dictates the quality of what we do day in and day out.  Even though I feel as though I have to learned this lesson over and over…here it is again today and I’ll be damned if a negative attitude hadn’t snuck in and tried to take over again.  Which is a shame because I have so much to tell you guys about the past few months.  I have gone (mostly) sugar-free.  I have started Pilates.   I began acupuncture to help with managing my foot pain and also to promote healing so that I can get to where I want to get with my fitness goals.  I have been enjoying some great accomplishments!  Even though I have a long way to go, I can”t afford to pull the plug and crawl back into my comfortable cave where everything dulls and comes to a screeching stop just because it seems too overwhelming.

You can’t make momentum out of nothing.  

So today I will GET UP.

GET A MOVE ON.

Maybe put on some Beyoncé and get my groove on.  I will not lie down and let poor and lazy thinking allow me to slip into fatigue and depression (again).  I think this is a danger for any of us moms who stay at home during the day (but that is a whole other blog post!).  If I am making the choice to sit and marinate in all of my negative feelings and fears, how can I ever expect any changes to occur or progress?  This was where I always seemed to fail before.  Throwing in the towel and resorting back to the same old thing before the new thing could take hold.   Putting a halt on all of the things that help me feel better and do better  is about the worst thing I can do.

I will WRITE.

I will post it.  Even if it sucks.  Because I know I should.  Because I know it helps me feel better.  Because I know it helps connect me to everyone else who reads these words and resonates with what I feel, and I know I’m not alone.   Because I know it is my art and my gift and if I want to get better at it, I need to quit worrying about who will read it and what they will think of it.

It’s the perfect time.

Especially now that Pharrell and Daft Punk are in my ear telling me it”s time “to get lucky”.

 

 

 

 

 

A good day for a selfie

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Whew!

We’ve made it to FRIDAY friends!

I don’t know about you, but there were a few times this week where I wasn’t sure if the end of it would get here fast enough. I feel celebratory as I type this…listening to “My Best Friend” by Queen on a station named “Walking on Sunshine” on Songza, for when you are feeling “ridiculously upbeat and positive”. ( Songza lets you pick music based on your mood or activity, its Pandora for intelligent and brilliant people such as myself. Check it out!)
I can’t fight the groove. I’m feeling good and looking forward to what’s in store. Heck, I even put make up on today. It’s a good day.

I spent the morning running around getting ready to leave my hubs and kids for
the weekend for a ladies retreat. I’m looking forward to staying up late having deep conversations with some sweet friends. Im looking forward to not having to clean dishes for three days. I’m looking forward to not having to referee my children or wonder where the dog is and why she’s being so quiet. I’m looking forward to not hearing about the complicated and anxious decisions my husband will be grappling with all weekend over his fantasy football team.
It’s nice to get AWAY sometimes, no?

Truthfully, I’m rolling my own eyes at myself as I type this. These aren’t “problems”. I have many many blessings and should have nothing but gratitude, even for the hassles. There are so many people truly suffering and struggling.

In any case, I’m expecting to have some good quiet time to write and read. Time I will not squander. I’m going to take my guitar, my sharpies and my best, most creative and open minded attitude. Hopefully I’ll have something amazing and holy to share on Monday!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

I’ll leave you with one of my brothers favorite pick me up songs: http://youtu.be/RHEkgpQ9kgY

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Progress Report

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Are you living in a whirlwind right now like I am?

There has been so much going on in our life lately. Much of which, unfortunately, I can’t share to protect the anonymity of a couple of beloved peeps. That said, we have been in the thick of some hard stuff.

But aren’t we all?

Life is busy with constant conflicts, complications and stresses. I’ve learned to observe the practice of slowing down to appreciate the constant undertow of blessing that is always lying beneath the flurry. If you don’t stop and still yourself, you’ll miss it and its life giving power.

I feel like my writing has been a little evasive the past week.
Therapeutic for MY soul…but evasive nonetheless. Whatever the case, writing has been my life raft keeping me afloat. Keeping me close to the pulse of God at work in my life and the lives around me. Even if it sucks, I know that my writing has been a gift and a prayer closet. Feeding my spiritual self has to be and is becoming more important than feeding my physical self.

I remind myself each day that my commitment to Realology is to BE REAL. To face the truth as best I can, and write about it with honesty and heart.
My prayer in this blogging project has always been to pursue peace with myself from the inside out and let that it would be contagious to the women around me (most importantly, my daughter).

So, a progress report is in order.
Since I first began this blog in February, I’ve lost 25 pounds (from my highest weight ever that I’ll share someday). Well, actually I’ve actually lost the same 25 pounds two times. Right now I find myself in that weird place of being down 25 pounds and being fearful of not getting past it again. It’s crucial to be one step ahead of myself right now with positive thoughts so that I don’t get into that old familiar trap of listening to old lies.

I have been introduced to a vitamin supplement called Plexus that you drink once in the morning. It was originally formulated for people with type 2 diabetes to help regulate their blood sugar and it was found to have a profound effect on people who needed to lose weight as well.

I’m not going to turn my blog into a sales pitch, but this little pink drink in the morning seems to have muted the ravenous beast that is my appetite. I was VERY skeptical at first, seeing as how I’ve tried EVERYTHING that seemed as though it would magically help me. This is no magic, I still have to make good choices, but I feel like its enabling me to make better choices and definitely helping me with consuming smaller portions. I’ve only been drinking it for 4 weeks. I have found that being consistent with that and with drinking LOTS of water has helped me feel great! Lots of energy and of course, 25 pounds down. Now I just gotta keep going. Here’s the link if you’re interested, http://mandiholden.myplexusopportunity.com/.

Most importantly I have been continuing with working though the 12 steps and making sure that I’m taking the recovery process very seriously. Continuous study on the topic keeps me one step ahead of myself and proactive against my food addiction. I’m reading a book right now (amongst many!) called “Love Hunger”. It’s boring and clinical but I’m getting some good nuggets out of it with regards to food addiction. I know I’m not alone in this battle and I’m glad to share whatever I’ve been learning along the way.

The other thing is I’ve been making an extra effort to wear makeup more regularly. It makes me FEEL better about myself and makes me feel pretty. Even if I’m only staying at my house, it seems to give me a little boost of confidence that I have been enjoying. Not every single day…but when I feel like it, it’s fun.

Well, that’s that.

Hope you are all thriving and living life to the absolute fullest!!!

Boomshakalaka.

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Bringing it

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” O TO make the most jubilant poems!
O full of music! Full of manhood, womanhood, in-
fancy!
O full of common employments! Full of grain and
trees.

O for the voices of animals! O for the swiftness
and balance of fishes!
O for the dropping of rain-drops in a poem!
O for the sunshine, and motion of waves in a poem.

O to be on the sea! the wind, the wide waters
around;
O to sail in a ship under full sail at sea.

O the joy of my spirit! It is uncaged! It darts
like lightning!
It is not enough to have this globe, or a certain time
—I will have thousands of globes, and all time.”
– Walt Whitman, an excerpt from “Poems of Joy”

I admit to being usually sluggish in Mondays. Today I’ve made up my mind to feel joyful and optimistic about the week ahead.
The thing that has been the hardest for me has been avoiding the trap of negative thinking. It can suck you under like a strong current.

I am taking a cue from my man Walt and am trying to find the joy in all that I have to do today. No matter how small.

O the joy of hot and fresh laundry from the dryer! Folded upon my bed, making a dent in the mountain that remains which leaves me feeling accomplished. Happy, fresh and clean.

O the joy of cleaning out my refrigerator! Knowing that my family has been this abundantly blessed to have not NEEDED some of these things?! God has provided all of our needs. Spoils are evidence we have been fed and nurtured to the hilt! Guilt and hassle melts to gratitude as I realize how spoiled and lucky we are. Wisdom teaching me this lesson, yet again, to become more vigilant in what I buy and prepare so that we don’t live in excess and waste.

O the joy of cleaning out my truck! The sand and empty juice boxes reminiscent of the adventures and travels I’ve had with my family. Trash and clothes. Shoes and toys…remnants of loud, healthy kids. The gum that’s been cemented to the door handle in the back seat I could have done without, but above it all…we have traveled. We have visited family from afar. We have explored, we have made memories.

O the joy of a Monday morning! I am blessed with a new week. A fresh start and hot coffee. How dare I utter anything but thanks?

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Feeling better

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“To seize your mornings is the equivalent of that sound financial advice to pay yourself before you pay your bills.”
-Laura Vanderkam

Today is a new day!

I’m feeling so much better.

I’ve actually showered and gotten dressed. Laced up my shoes and have made up my mind to get busy.

It feels good!

I’m not sure how many times I have to learn this lesson, but we really are in control of how we feel. I have learned that talking to myself instead of listening to myself is the key that unlocks my dreary apathy. Apathy is a thief of joy and it seems ninja sneaky. Feeling under the weather is a perfect excuse, for a pessimist like me, to go ahead and embrace all those old rotten thoughts that get me into trouble and lead me down the path of depression. It’s hard to find my way back sometimes but honestly I just couldn’t take another wasted day. Thank God!

The hard part is disciplining myself to wake up and make up my mind EVERYDAY to fully live with energy, gratitude and purpose. So many mornings have given birth to somber days just because I let myself choose a somber, grouchy and lazy attitude in the morning. We are constantly reminded in the bible how important time spent in the morning is to staying spiritually fresh. Psalm 90:14 (ESV) says,” Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.”

If I choose to begin my day focusing on the steadfast love of God in my life, how can I be anything but glad? How can my day unfold as anything else but valuable?

There are NO successful people who don’t have an early morning ritual. It seems the more I learn about successful people and their attitudes, the earlier and more joyful are their mornings.

Which means, if I’m going to be successful I’m going to have to renovate my mornings.

Despite all of my ailments and insecurities that have been bringing me down lately, I will choose today to be glad. I am choosing to be productive.
And I will be thankful and mindful of all that I have instead of dwelling on what I don’t.

I’m curious, do you have a morning ritual?? I’d love to hear from you as I focus on creating my own.

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About-face

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I’ve decided I’m done sulking about having not become the latest weight-loss sensation in the west.
I grew into some high hopes a few months ago that this time my efforts with being real and blogging about my situation would be rewarded with numbers dropping off the scale with ease. This attitude is EXACTLY the one I was supposed to avoid because it always takes my struggle out of Gods hands and into my own. Well, as we can see…that never ends up the way I hope it will. I was supposed to be focusing on how to love myself “as is” and once again I got caught up in the net of an extremist. Starting to listen to that old tape of “once you lose this weight…THEN you’ll have REAL stuff to say and write about. THEN you will be really useful and helpful to people. THEN you will be comfortable and love yourself.” So I set out on extreme diets and tried to take charge only to find myself failing and hating myself for the past few weeks. Letting the cycle start to sneak in and beat me up a bit. Well, not today my good man! Today we are changing course.

I am reminded once again this morning that I have no guarantee of THEN. I only have NOW.

So right NOW, whether I feel like it or not I will thank God for the body I have that is going to get me through the day. Right NOW I’m going to rejoice that I have been useful and helpful to people. Right NOW I’m going to celebrate where I’m at. Right NOW I get to make the choice to turn my bad attitude around and get to walking in the right direction again. Towards the me I’m truly supposed to be.

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>>New adventure<<

&andshelivedhappilyeverafter

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