Real Talk

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Realology is about keeping it REAL. I am reminded often about how important it is to keep the documentation of my journey as honest as possible. I am no phony. This is the real deal here. No filter. No fuss, no fluff. Just me, fighting through all these crazy feelings to get to the core of who I am and learn to love whoever that is in the process.

It seems every time I start to feel like I’ve figured this thing out and I’m on my way, I experience something that takes me down a notch or two. This game really is a mental “one-step-forward-two-steps-back” situation.

MENTAL being the key word. The confidence gained inside the gym can be swiftly snuffed out by an unflattering glance in the mirror or a picture taken of myself from a terrible angle. It can be crushing. I feel that old voice in the back of my mind saying,” See? Did you really think that this was happening? You haven’t changed at all.” And just like that, I’m at the bottom left to struggle to climb back up on the wagon and keep going or throw in the towel. That’s usually when I’ve turned to stuffing my face for comfort. Eating my way through all of those gross and painful feelings. Only (of course) to make things worse.

That emotional roller coaster is the hardest part of this whole journey. Choosing to fight against that urge is something I’m faced with, sometimes multiple times in a day, which if you’re a person who has dealt with binge eating like me, it can be an extremely hard behavior to change. Not allowing yourself to “use” your drug of choice which is food.

So, real talk and confession time? I have been struggling the past two weeks with clearly hitting my nutrition goals. I keep going over the boundaries that I’ve set for myself (not by much…but still) and it feels gross, like I’m being dishonest. I’ve been consistent with my workouts and consistent with logging on my fitness pal, but little by little I keep allowing myself a little leeway here and a little leeway there…and I don’t like it. If I were treating my “sobriety” with the seriousness that an alcoholic would, letting a little slip here or there would be unacceptable. I don’t want the old mentality and dependence on food to sneak back into my mind.

Training my mind is the hardest part!

So, I’m throwing it all out here publicly to hold myself accountable! In trying to achieve a balanced life, I know that I’m gonna have a piece of heavenly pineapple cake or something like it once a week, but I have to quit letting one cheat meal turn into 25 tiny compromises on the weekends! I want to walk by a mirror and not let it crush my day because I believe the TRUTH about who I am and NOT what that voice is telling me.

So today I’m deciding to fight this wall and not let it set me back. I am recommitting myself to my eating goals because I know that THAT is being good and loving to ME. Allowing cheats and binges is abusive to myself and not loving…even though enjoying pizza presents itself as “treating” yourself in the moment, it always leaves me feeling crappy!

So here’s to a Monday morning and fresh starts!!

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Patsy
    Feb 23, 2015 @ 10:44:35

    Keeping it real as always. As a fellow food addict, I understand your struggles. Remember it is about balance. There will be days where we stumble and fall. But in your own words, here it is to Monday’s and fresh starts. Today is a new day. Get back on tract and press onward and upward. Keeping our eyes focused on the prize… Healthy, Hot sexy bodies (lol). But seriously, continue to live yourself and the amazing strides and changes you have already accomplished. So proud of you my friend.

    Reply

  2. MikesYf
    Feb 23, 2015 @ 11:44:32

    the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy… man, how he works and tries to manipulate. The one step forward, two steps back I can relate to. Just when I think I have it licked, here it comes again. So I use some confessions to keep me grounded. An Eph 3:20 confessions, God is doing exceedingly, abundantly above all I ask or think. and Isaiah 54:17 prayer: Lord, I refuse to be afraid of this weapon the devil has brought against me because I know that according to Your Word, it cannot prosper. I trust you to protect me and I thank You for it now, in Jesus name! 2 Tim 1:7 prayer: Today I declare that I am an overcomer because I have been given the spirit of power. There’s nothing I face today that I can’t overcome with the power of the Holy Spirit working in and thru me. I love you, prayers for you and your journey. Try a new food or a new recipe, I can direct you to a couple of websites for recipes if you like.

    Reply

  3. Vicki Weaver
    Feb 23, 2015 @ 20:39:40

    Hang in there . Know how how hard it is. You are very brave you can do it I am praying for you😊

    Reply

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