Reflections


“As adults, we try to develop the character traits that would have rescued our parents.”
– Alain de Botton

This quote absolutely stung my face when I read it.
It rolled across my newsfeed so unassuming I almost missed it. When I finally read it, it attacked me with its depth. I’m still not even sure I have it fully unpacked and examined in my mind.

Why did I find this quote so haunting?

We can all tell stories of our upbringing and have scars to show. Some worse than others, but we all all have a history that we fold up nicely and pack with us everywhere we go. We have moments in our lives where we wished things could have happened differently or not at all.
I’ve heard it said before that “childhood is what you spend your adulthood getting over.”

Our entire belief systems about who we are and the world around us are built within the confines of a couple decades with (in my case) wild, immature 20 something’s at the helm. Sometimes when I look at pictures of my parents (and subsequent step parents) in old albums and see their faces that were captured at ages younger than I am now, I feel like I know them better. Differently. More like peers. My own maturity and experiences shedding an understanding light that was never seen before as a child.

People don’t PLAN for destruction and heart break. They hope and dream and intend for good. For peace. For love and life. The same way my husband and I do. The dreams my parents had navigating through my childhood are probably close to the same we have heading up this ship with our babies. I can’t help but think of what my own children will think when they are in their thirties looking back on us?
Now that I’m a mother, it’s terrifying to think of what imprints I’ve left and have yet to leave. Hoping that there will be something good and valuable in there somewhere! Hoping that our intentions will be known. Praying for them to confidently grow into the people that God created them to be despite us and our selfishness.

If there is anything to learn, it’s that while there is still time I can make the choice to grow and change. To LIVE life fully and be an example to them of how to rise above whatever it is that is hell bent on dragging you down.
This is so hard because it requires painful honesty and admissions. Birthing genuine character requires labor. There’s just no way around it. In the same way that I hope my kids will be able to forgive us and show us grace for the ways in which we will fail them I know that I’m called to do the same with my own parents.
With my own HISTORY.
Maybe even with my own self.
That’s really all the rescuing I need…from my own self destruction.

Instead of living my adult life “getting over” my childhood I would rather just be free to LIVE.

I heard this song this morning and it felt like a burst of fresh, clean air. She sings, ” the glory of God is man FULLY alive”.

May it be so!

“Just Showed Up”
By: Sara Groves

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I’m going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that’s honest and real until I’m truly amazed
I’m going to feel all my emotions
I’m going to look you in the eyes
I’m going to listen and hear until it’s finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I’m standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Look what I’ve been missing

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Dean
    Aug 09, 2013 @ 15:06:27

    roiling……

    Reply

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๐Ÿ’ฅLOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!๐Ÿ’ฅWhile I'm not hitting this 100 percent of the time, this is what I'm striving for.  STAYING in my lane and doing what I'm supposed to do. Pressing ahead. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’œThank you @_highoff_e for always having that IG game on point and giving me life!!! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ #stayingthecourse #stayinginmylane #hatersgonnahate #naysayers #otherpeoplesopinionsarenoneofmybusiness #dodgingnegativitylikebullets #bdontkillmyvibe #goodvibesonly

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