What I wish I could say

I miss my friend.

We used to talk about how we had drifted from other friends and how awkward it had become with them…and it seemed unfathomable that would ever be the case between us.
It’s the same old story of too much time passing by…making it that much harder to jump across the space between.
Effort would be required and that would be too scary to admit that our bond had now become work instead of one of ease.
We used to live inside each others lives, with fingers on the pulse of what was fresh and new and happening.
As well as what we were both trudging through.
Fears and doubts.
Swapping them back and fourth seemed to dull their power.
Now I have no idea.
Clueless.
Pretending not to know or notice…
But if I’m being honest,
It seems that geography and busyness isnt solely what has put us so many miles apart.
The roads have split and we’re on the opposite route.
The pain of it because the season together was grand and fruitful.
We could boast in the harvest…the truth telling and secret sharing.
Plentiful.
And I know the seasons change with every relationship but I was convinced this time it would be different.
So I strive.
Toil.
Loyal girl, foolish…again…to assume it would be easy to maintain.
I know its time to uproot myself from this plot and work on some new ones.
But let’s rest knowing we will meet up like old times again.
We’ll laugh and share the things we’ve seen and learned.
We will eat and drink and soak up the harvest season once more.
Someday when these separate roads come back together and meet as one.


“It’s less the words they say than those they leave unsaid that split old friends apart.”
― Frederick Buechner

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Teresa
    Jun 18, 2013 @ 12:10:08

    Well written but sad! Some friendships are meant to end, others aren’t. Some require more effort on your part to maintain than you feel necessary….deciding which ones are which is the challenge I guess.
    But knowing you, every end….is a dozen new beginnings!! 🙂

    Reply

  2. MikesYf
    Jun 19, 2013 @ 11:33:04

    the truth of this is staggering. When I sit and have a look at my life, it would be about sacrifice. I cram so much into everyday that I would have to give something else up. Part of me longs for a girlfriend… but I guess not enough that I will make the sacrifice of what is already on my plate. sad.

    Reply

    • mandimon
      Jun 19, 2013 @ 11:50:10

      I agree. It’s seems crazy to expect meaningful relationships when we all have so much going on! This was more of allowing myself a moment of grieving over the closeness lost…and often we don’t talk about it out loud.

      Reply

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