Sometimes my brain hurts

Ive been working through the 12 steps in my Tuesday night recovery class. We discussed the 6th step last night which is, “We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”. I find myself really heavy in thought still this morning on the matter. Not really sure I’m yet done with the processing of all the info. The defects of character are “exposed” after a long and exhaustive self inventory. This is hard work people! Quite frankly I’m sick of myself and the whys and how’s of my behaviors. I grow tired of the fight sometimes.

The question I was left with last night was, ” what is MORE powerful and appropriate than readiness?” The answer was, “willingness”.
All I have at times it seems, is a willingness. Maybe that is all we need?

Here is a poem I wrote after class, thought it would be appropriate to share.

Prepared? Entirely?
Poised when prompted.
As ready as I’ll ever be.
Try to be…
the least offensive and most constructive me.
Prone to be curious, prone to wander.
Trails of suggestions and questions.
I arrive again at waiting, I am left to ponder.
Peace in the many promises served.
Beauty will echo the voice of its origin if you’re lucky.
Tugged and unearthed.
There, faith is birthed.
Reminded in the finest and tiniest things…
The best in anything will make you feel something.
Constantly reminded…
That I am alive.

“The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests; just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894) American author and poet.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dean Ashley
    May 01, 2013 @ 12:42:02

    You displayed your willingness the first night you stepped into the recovery class. You may have gone in with fear, trepidation, a bit cynical, overwhelmed, but…. I believe, there was some semblance of “let the adventure begin.” And that it has been. I also believe that you’re past-the-point-of-no-return. You’re living Hebrews 12.1 – you’re throwing off everything that hinders and easily entangles you from running the race with perseverance that God has set before you. I admire you, am humbled by you, proud of you, and excited to see what the future holds.


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