Resisting

I’m am tired today.

I barely slept at all last night.  How will I choose positive and motivated thinking, focused on God and choosing to see myself as beautiful, when I all I really want to do is be lazy and grumpy today?

Most days I would use this as an excuse to go ahead and stay in my jammies and lounge.  If I’m being totally honest I would confess that I have allowed these kinds of days more that I should have.

There is nothing wrong with having a restful and lazy day.  The kinds of delicious, slow weekend days we have when nothing is planned and demanding our attention.  Where the living room is covered in blankets and pillows for movie marathons and we can hide away and just be together.  Those days are joyfully necessary for a family.  For humans!

The days I am talking about are the ones we moms don’t discuss.  The dirty little secret of the at- home mom.
Maybe it’s just me?

The days that I have made excuses for myself to be lazy and not do my job.  The days that I have let my husband down by not taking care of things I should have while he was expected to log hours at work to bring home a paycheck.  The days that in my own shame,  I turned on him defensively in attack mode to defend my messes and untouched jobs.  The untouched nasty dishes and clutter climbing the table tops.  The days that I ignored bills and laundry piles and ignored taking out anything to make for dinner for no other reason at all than simply not feeling like it.  The days I wanted to be anywhere but in my house, cleaning it again.  Then again. And again.
And so I would sit.  Watch tv. Feeling sorry for myself.  Feeling fat. Feeling ugly.  Feeling failed.

Toxic days.  Wasted days.  Lonely days.  Sadly, many days.

Finding joy in these things is a choice. Making up my mind to change
is a choice. An active verb.  A task I am not left all alone to achieve. God does strengthen and carry us through and is assuredly strong when we are weakest.

The good  news is that today is a new day, and I only have to take each day, one day at a time.

I decided that today will be great and productive and lived well, despite how I feel…
Then was blessed with a surprise note left for me by my seven year old son that said,” your the bist mom in the wold.”

Proof that this really is going to be a great day.

GET UP

Morning fresh, calling me to join it.
Hard to push comfort away.
To keep going,
resisting myself.
Fighting the familiar current and pull of ease.

Get Up!

Breaking new ground today.
Scissors through red ribbons,
ushering me.
Welcome to new!

A new day, new start, new breath,
new heart.
New stance and way to see.
To be and act differently.
Blink blink, so much to do.
Vision clear.
Victory near.
I’m alive and life is for the living.

Heart thumping.
Limbs moving,
deep breaths,
refreshed.
Im wide awake, eyes fully opened and
shoes laced.

Taking my place in the world
amongst the busy birds.
Hustle bustle!
Go get it!
So grateful, thank you.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. mandimon
    Feb 28, 2013 @ 18:26:50

    “I’m am tired” ????!! I must be. Nice typos!

    Reply

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