I am

For so long I have cared about what others think of me or would think of me if I did this or that.

Don’t we all?

The problem is not what other people think or don’t think ( that’s none of my business right?) the problem has been what I’ve been sitting around thinking of myself.

The truth is, I’ve been an imposter. Waiting around for a moment?
You know, that moment in time when I lose all this weight, get a full make over that leaves me breathtakingly gorgeous and full of self confidence. My wisdom and vitality contagious. My life would begin then.
I would be valuable to others then.
I’d have something real to offer then…

Well. Then hasn’t happened yet. With every month and year that passes I have loathed and hated and scowled and hissed at myself. I have marinated in what I am not. I have not loved my self. I even admit to giving up. Actually crossing over that threshold of “I don’t care anymore.”

You always hear,” you can’t love anyone until you love yourself.”

Boo. It’s so true. I didn’t even really know what the hell that meant. But I really started to chew on it and wonder.
Love myself?
Well I guess thats where my adventure begins.

Well this is it. My moment. In the here and now, just as I am.
Gotta grab it by the balls and get real.
What if I only have 62 days left to live. This is the realization that I’ve had. If I died what will I have been living for? Other peoples ideals for my life?

So who the heck am I anyway?

I am a creation of a magnificent Creator.
Carefully and wonderfully made. Saved by grace from the destruction of myself. Trying to live this life joyously!
I am 30 year old cells and blood and bones and tendons, muscles and fat. I am fair, freckled skin and red, wild hair. I am hazel eyes and and a loud laugh! I am hooded sweatshirts and sneakers. I am fun and loving and loyal.

I am a daughter.

I am a sister, keeper of secrets and inside jokes. I am a front row seat at concerts preformed in parked cars in my driveway.

I am a wife. A lover. A help mate. A trusted best friend. A partner. I am devoted. I am greatful.

I am a mother. A molder and shaper.
I am a nuturer, a maker of waffles and dinner, paper airplanes and clean clothes. I am the mender of owies and hurt feelings. A teacher intentionally and not. I am carefully trying to navigate them to safety.

I am a pal. In this sisterhood we have as women. I am a heart linked with yours. I am pulling for you, praying for you. Rooting for you! I am proud of you and at times jealous of you. But I am in this with you.

I am a writer.

I am a woman.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. athomas20
    Feb 21, 2013 @ 17:42:20

    You’re a writer, too. ๐Ÿ™‚


  2. Danielle
    Mar 01, 2013 @ 00:05:50

    Wow. This is brilliant


  3. Trackback: My 100th Post | Realology

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๐Ÿ’ฅLOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!๐Ÿ’ฅWhile I'm not hitting this 100 percent of the time, this is what I'm striving for.  STAYING in my lane and doing what I'm supposed to do. Pressing ahead. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’œThank you @_highoff_e for always having that IG game on point and giving me life!!! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ #stayingthecourse #stayinginmylane #hatersgonnahate #naysayers #otherpeoplesopinionsarenoneofmybusiness #dodgingnegativitylikebullets #bdontkillmyvibe #goodvibesonly

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